Sleepyhead # 2 Takes Up the Torch

I thought it would be fitting, as we continue to battle the tummy bugs, to write something Olympic, so I chose the heroic sport we specialize in here in Crazyland: Olympic Napping. Although less well known than some extreme sports, Olympic Napping is a sure crowd pleaser, as it combines cuteness, quietness, versatility and endurance in one small package.

Last week I wrote about Sleepyhead # 1 battling the tummy bugs, and now her big sister is following suit. Here is the little one performing the famous couch nap:

Her big sister, our gold medal contender, age 3 1/2, has a long career in Olynapping, as its fans lovingly call it, and is especially known for her ability to nap in any position, situation, or space. She has fallen asleep in strollers, boxes, chairs and tents, on couches, beds and the floor. As long as she has her trusty fuzzy blanket, so essential to her sport, victory is hers.

Even as an infant she dreamt of Olympic gold:

And soon mastered the peacefulness technique:

As a precocious youngster, she even attempted to nap while eating chocolate cake!

A very self motivated Olynapper, she sometimes puts herself to bed, just to get a little more practice in.

She is much praised by the judges for her capacity to sleep though all sorts of chaotic noise without even stirring.

A further note must be made about her endurance: in today’s contest, Olynapper vs the icky tummy, she slept almost the entire day, with only a brief foray from her Oly-tent to imbibe some hot chocolate.

To what does she attribute her great success in Olynapping?
Her new “ear muscles” and wearing large amounts of purple!

The Perfect Parent Lives in Timbuktu (and is likely a Sasquatch!)

I haven’t met the perfect parent. It’s not me. It’s likely not you either.
But that’s ok. Children are born of love, not perfection.

Still, sometimes we wonder if there is a scientific formula for being the perfect parent, a special combination of elements that will help us get it just right.

Our society encourages this; we are told we must have the right economic, educational, medical, emotional, and intellectual circumstances to responsibly have a child. It seems a very dangerous and risky business, and one must be perfectly prepared.

Sometimes people wait their whole lives to be perfectly ready. Baby room painted just so. Millions in the bank. 800 parenting books read. Relationship so stable it makes mountains look wispy and wobbly. Health just so, taking the right 60 vitamins, and doing yoga 10 hours a day.

What happened to something that used to be so natural? A creative overflow of love? Isn’t the sincere love between parents already giving your child a lot, especially in today’s world?

But our fear of being imperfect parents in an imperfect world really paralyzes us so much as a society. We fear traumatizing our kids and are haunted of visions of their future therapist’s couch before they even leave their cradle.

We are told we better consult the experts constantly, because we as “mere parents” (just rabbits really) know nothing. I don’t think all this fear is actually making us better parents, just less confident and optimistic ones.

If we risk having one, we think we shouldn’t have another, because we’re not perfect yet. The funny thing is though, that having another child helps us to grow better, more mature, relaxed and confident, and therefore helps our first child, too. Experience is a good teacher.

So please don’t let fear of your imperfection stop you from loving; that would be a terrible tragedy. None of us had perfect parents, but we’re still glad to be here, in this messy, imperfect, absurdly beautiful world.

While I haven’t met perfect parents, I have met perfect babies.
Actually many of them.
More specifically, ALL of them.
Each baby is perfect.
A perfect gift, a perfect miracle, a perfect parcel of love.
Each one makes the world more beautiful. That means you, too.

Siblings help each other to grow as well, precisely through their imperfection, their foibles and stubborn streaks; experiencing all this children learn, in a context of love, how to get along with, embrace and accept others.

If we are teaching our kids to love, to care for others and help them when they are down, we are doing a lot toward making the world a better place.

My kids can squabble as much as the next ones, but I was happy to see my older girls stepping up and caring for the younger ones this week when they weren’t feeling well. Here’s a picture of my 5 year old reading bedtime stories to her little sister. Without being asked. That made me really happy.

So stop worrying about being perfect, unless you want to go live with the Sasquatch, who can maybe give you some pointers.

Personally, I think what you need as a parent is love, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and grow, because as much as parenting will make your children grow, it’ll make you grow more.

Happy trails! And may you be abundantly blessed in love.

Sleepyhead vs. the Tummy Bug

Today my little one battled it out with a nasty tummy bug, using the best arsenal she had: closing those luscious blue eyes and sleeping whenever, and wherever she could, always accompanied by her special beige blankie. She napped on the carpet, on the couch, in her bunkbed, and most sweetly, in her highchair.

Although a few of my kids having fever and stomach flu aren’t the highlight of my week, I’ve got lots of things to be grateful for: my kind landlord who came right away and spent two hours repairing my oven when the oven door handle fell off earlier that day (a tricky task, we discovered!), Ida who gave me loads of lovely bread from Cobbs to feed my little monkeys, Milton who brought us muffins, Maria who come over today and helped me make dinner and clean up, too (using all the courage necessary to face my jungly sink and baby’s banana-covered highchair), and Natalie, who offered to drop off anything we needed, or even just felt like.

Sometimes, when life hands you a little icky flu, you see how surrounded by love you really are.

Yippee: Debt Free

This Valentine’s my husband gave me a wonderful, unexpected gift. He paid off my last, our last, student loan. Six substantial loans gone…debt free!

After 4 years of living in a one-bedroom apartment with the kids to save money, 8 years of taking the bus because we couldn’t afford a car, cutting my own hair to save the money, 8 years of handing over every extra cent to pay them off, every tax refund, every little windfall, we finally did it. Paid off a massive amount of student loan debt on one modest income, and now we are free!

It is a wonderful gift. My husband works so hard and sacrifices so much for us. I am truly grateful.

So, you ask, what did you get him for Valentine’s?

Well, a sandwich.

What?!

I tried to make it the yummiest one I could: tomato bocconcini with fresh spinach leaves, homemade olive oil and balsamic dressing, full of basil, oregano and garlic…roasted in the oven, with juicy purple olives on the side…but yes, a sandwich.

And a card I coloured with my three year old:

It doesn’t really compare does it? To thousands of dollars? But you know, we each gave our gifts with love, and we’re both happy.

It’s not a competition, and besides, I am happy to be outdone by him. Happy to be forever indebted to him, who has given me so much. I don’t mind needing him.

After watching a sweet romantic comedy called “Just Like Heaven,” I listened to him falling asleep, breathing slowly and holding my hand. Our fingers were squeezed together until I couldn’t tell if the faint “ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum” I felt between my them was my pulse or his.

Being vulnerable and needing each other, each on our own ways, helps us stay close. And isn’t that what Valentine’s is all about?

Why Being a Mom is a Lot Like Being a Rock Star

1. You have a loyal fan club who follows you around screaming.

2. You have no privacy. There is paparazzi even in the bathroom.

3. Cute people want to jump in your bed at all hours. People will do anything to spend time with you.

4. In the morning, the signs of partying hard are all there. It looks like wild animal stuck to your head, and then got electrocuted.

5. “Normal” noise levels are much louder for you than for most people. You host a lot of impromptu dance parties.

6. People copy everything you do…for better or for worse…

7. Lots of people you know are addicted to the bottle.

8. Your sense of fashion has drastically changed since you entered your current career.

9. You’re no stranger to feeling pukey in the morning.

10. You’re more ‘creative’ when you’re in love, and lots of people are in love with you.

Rock on, fellow moms! You are stars! Keep making that sweet music…

Birthday Soup

This is my handsome husband. It’s his birthday today, but here are some pictures from when he recently took me out for mine. He’s grinning rather mischievously because he has taken me out to a Malaysian restaurant and has ordered among many yummy things, clam soup. Like in-the-shell-steaming-bucket-of-beach-water-and-assorted-refuse clam soup. For wimpy, picky me.
Ugh.

Of course the romantic has to share everything, so no escape for me. “Drink the broth out of the shell,” says my gourmand, “It’s delicious that way.”

He gives me a demonstration and beams. I wrinkle my nose, screw up my courage and slurp. Salty….

It’s actually not that bad. Except in my head. But then my mouth is in my head, so hard to tell the difference sometimes. The little clams taste like button mushrooms, instead of squishy aliens, so that’s good. Daddy and baby are proud of me.

My sweet other half just likes to make sure life stays a bit of an adventure, like on our first big date, when we went for Ethiopian food and ate with our hands.

So have any siblings?

Slurp. Lick. Lick.

A sister, and yourself?

Stuffing spongy injera bread sopping with curries in his mouth.

Three brothers, actually.

Dip. Stuff. Lick.

You get the idea. Delicious, though. Who knew?

Anyway, I love how he likes to try new things, how he gets excited and passionate about stuff, how he has 50 rants I know by heart, how he likes to share everything (except maybe his Starbucks drink), how he’s totally honest but also affectionate and sweet. He’s helped me grow so much, and at the same time, to remain young at heart.

Here’s a little selfie of us from Christmas:

So to my husband, a very happy birthday, and to all of you,
I wish you all as much joy and fun in your marriages as I have in mine!

Live Free: Smash your Fears

The wise Aristotle once said,

He who has overcome his fears will be truly free.

Today I want to share an amazing true story with you. It’s the story of a woman who was expected to die, but lived instead. Her name is Heather.

Her husband Cameron shared her story with me:

Eight years ago, my wife Heather was diagnosed with mesothelioma; a rare cancer that kills most people within 2 years of diagnosis. She had just given birth to our daughter Lily, and was only given 15 months to live. After a life saving surgery that included the removal of her left lung, LungLeavin’ Day was born. On February 2nd, we celebrated 8 years of Heather being cancer free.

The purpose of LungLeavin’ Day is to encourage others to face their fears! Each year, we gather around a fire in our backyard with our friends and family, write our biggest fears on a plate and smash them into the fire. We celebrate for those who are no longer with us, for those who continue to fight, for those who are currently going through a tough time in their life, and most importantly, we celebrate life!

Marcus Aurelius wrote long ago in his Meditations,

It is not death that man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.

Heather wants to encourage all of us to truly live. To see life as a great gift and a joyful adventure, rather than something to be feared.

So what is it that you fear most? Rejection? Loneliness? Failure? Weakness? Poverty? Suffering?

Or perhaps responsibility, commitment or even success? What fear is holding you back?

Can you imagine if an eagle chose to sit in a cage because it was afraid of heights? It would never experience that glorious feeling of flying!

We are made for greatness, made for happiness, made for love. Sometimes these things scare us so we hide behind bars of fear we mistake for control. We convince ourselves to be stoic, to remain steady and unattached, to not get sucked into life lest it involve suffering.

But this is not freedom. This is not truly living.

Life is so much more of a beautiful adventure when we let go. Our real stories are more amazing than the ones we would write for ourselves; it’s the struggle and the suffering that makes the other moments so precious.

So what fear would you like to smash? What small step can you take today to face your fear and win your freedom?

It’s said that sometimes we fear what we desire most…

Since I was a teenager, I’ve had great desire to write, but I used to be so afraid of people reading my work. It was too painful. One great step to overcoming my fear was starting this blog. It was really hard to press publish that very first post. I literally had to force myself.

But what I feared as a source of rejection and failure has turned out to be a source of joy, encouragement, and liberation. I am more inspired and write more easily than ever before, because I gave myself permission to smash my fear and live. I feel part of a community and can rejoice in the successes of my fellow writers, because I too am pursuing my dream.

Sometimes if we ask for miracles, they really do happen, many little ones all the time, and sometimes big ones too. Our job is to be grateful and enjoy them!

Please visit Heather’s page for more of her story and links to more info:
http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/lungleavinday/

Helping Heroes: 10 Reasons It’s a Good Thing to Accept Help.

Accepting help is hard to do for many people…it’s something we need to learn in life, or perhaps relearn after losing our childhood ability to reach out and take a helping hand without shame. Often as grown-ups we feel the need to be a superhero and do it all alone, but aren’t the Avengers much better as a team?

If we can see our fellow human beings as cooperators, instead of competitors, we’ll be a lot more willing to offer and accept help. After all, aren’t we all trying to do our little bit to make the world a better place?

It can be hard to swallow our pride and ask for assistance, so here’s ten reasons why it’s good to ask for help:

1. You need it. Come on, no one is perfect. Everybody struggles. To pretend otherwise is to pretend to be a robot. People are much more loveable.

2. You give others an opportunity to shine. Let someone else be the hero for once. You don’t need to take all the credit. Everyone has special talents, and getting to use them helps people feel useful and important.

3. Being vulnerable enough to ask for help allows others to be honest about themselves with you and deepens friendship. It opens the door for them to ask for help or advice, too. You come to know each other better.

4. You teach your kids to do the same. Do you want them to tough it out alone when they really need help, or to know how to lean on others in hard times? They will imitate you in this.

5. Doing stuff together is way more fun. Whether it’s a big shopping trip, cleaning the garage, trying a new recipe or artistic endeavour, life is more fun when you have someone to share the load and laugh with.

6. You allow others to love you. We all show our love in different ways, but many of us show our affection by acts of kindness and generosity. When we say no to these things, we are saying no to love.

7. Accepting help enables you to practice gratitude, which makes your life more beautiful and happy. Moreover, knowing how to accept help gracefully is attractive.

8. If it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes one to be a good parent or spouse. Think about this. Becoming the best person you can be doesn’t happen in isolation.

9. You’re not alone. There are probably ten people who would drop everything to come help you, if you just asked. When we open our hearts to help from others, we receive so much more than we imagined; unexpected goodness keeps coming when we open this door.

10. Cause I said so. So there.

Now wasn’t that helpful? 😉

First Snowdrop: Tiny Signs of Spring

This beautiful delicate snowdrop, pushing its way out of the rubble of mushy brown leaves, sticks and manure, to let its little pure white head glow in the sunlight, is a sweet sign that spring is slowly coming, that hope for renewal after winter is alive. A sign that even when life makes us face our worst fears, such as the death of a loved one, we can come out of the haze of sadness with eyes that still see the beauty of the world.

I dedicate this picture to my great friend and fellow blogger Monique Leblanc, the one who inspired me to begin sharing my adventures in Crazyland. I offer it for her especially, because she recently passed the due date of her son Hilary, who was born asleep half way through her pregnancy. His appearance was like this snowdrop, brief and achingly beautiful.

I offer it also because she has recently moved from the balmy west coast to the frozen (but friendly!) fields of Saskatchewan, and is much more likely to be seeing snow ploughs than snow drops at this time. The great thing is that she thinks this is fun! 🙂

I want to honour her unfailing friendship, her joyful sense of adventure, and her great dedication to her family. She has been for years, and always will be, a wonderful inspiration for me. She embraced me and believed in me when we first became friends, and has never ceased to love and encourage me. Cicero said so poignantly:

What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? Robbing the world of friendship is like robbing the world of the sun.

I was afraid of losing her closeness when she moved away, but instead feel closer to her than ever, thanks to the phone, and her uncanny ability to know when I just really need to talk to her. As Anne Shirley said so well: “True friends are always together in spirit.”

Blogging has also helped us to stay close as we try our hands at writing and jump into this wonderful online community together. Check out the awesome blog she writes with her husband Ryan at thelasttimechange.blogspot.ca/

Life can be tough, but if you have a good friend to laugh and even cry with, everything is ok. It gives life a stability that can sustain you through the roughest waters, and help you laugh over your little daily disasters with someone who knows you better than you know yourself. Our old buddy Cicero agrees:

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

I hope all of you have friends like this. Have you told them lately how much they mean to you?